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Thread: You Know You Are From San Antonio When.....

  1. #1 You Know You Are From San Antonio When..... 
    You lost your virginity at mission drive-in

    You know exactly how to get to the "Ghost Tracks" from anywhere in town.

    You think "pro-choice" means flour or corn tortillas.

    You've never been to the Alamo.

    You think a health drink is a Margarita without salt.

    You think being able to read the Taco Cabana menu makes you bilingual.

    You used to live in a neighborhood you wouldn't even drive through now.

    There has been a road crew on your street since before the Alamodome was built.

    You remember when Crossroads Mall used to be called Wonderland.

    You've been to Midget Mansion.

    You know all about the "Dancing Diablo" and the "Donkey Lady" bridge.

    You know that Wheatley and Brackenridge is the same school.

    You remember the Captain Gus show.

    Your subwoofer has twice the value of your car.

    You have three rodeo outfits but never have been on a horse

    You're an expert with the brake pedal, but you have no idea what a blinker is.

    Your idea of culture is wearing a Hard Rock T-shirt.

    You think the last supper was at Mi Tierra restaurant.

    You do your grocery shopping at a flea market.

    You think local politicians are crooks, but you still do not vote.

    You have a "Selena Lives" bumper sticker on your car.

    You care if San Antonio is in the "national spotlight".

    A formal occasion is getting a glass with your longneck.

    You believe Tacos, barbecue, tequilla, and beer are the four basic food groups.

    You rented Pulp Fiction to escape the everyday violence of the city.

    You think wearing bows in your hair will get you a husband.

    Your White mother learned how to make Tamales & Menudo from your neighbors.

    You know the "real" definition of FIESTA is "stay home if at all possible".

    You have ordered Mexican food at a Chinese restaurant.

    You had breakfast tacos at Taco Cabana on Christmas morning.

    You remember the Joske's Christmas display.

    You remember when JC Penney's had a restaurant.

    You remember hamburgers from Whopper Burger.

    You're elementary field trip was to the Butter Crust Bakery.

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from San Antonio.

    haha i didn't even check it to see if it worked...but now its fixed...
    I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, dedaledede.....

    Don't knock masterbation, it's sex with someone I love.

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  2. #2  
    <table width=400 align=center border=1 bordercolor=black cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2>
    <tr><td bgcolor=#CCFFFF align=center>
    <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
    You Know You're From San Antonio When...</font></td></tr>
    <tr><td align=left bgcolor=#FFFFFF>
    <font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 10pt;'>
    You lost your virginity at mission drive-in

    You know exactly how to get to the "Ghost Tracks" from anywhere in town.

    You think "pro-choice" means flour or corn tortillas.

    You've never been to the Alamo.

    You think a health drink is a Margarita without salt.

    You think being able to read the Taco Cabana menu makes you bilingual.

    You used to live in a neighborhood you wouldn't even drive through now.

    There has been a road crew on your street since before the Alamodome was built.

    You remember when Crossroads Mall used to be called Wonderland.

    You've been to Midget Mansion.

    You know all about the "Dancing Diablo" and the "Donkey Lady" bridge.

    You know that Wheatley and Brackenridge is the same school.

    You remember the Captain Gus show.

    Your subwoofer has twice the value of your car.

    You have three rodeo outfits but never have been on a horse

    You're an expert with the brake pedal, but you have no idea what a blinker is.

    Your idea of culture is wearing a Hard Rock T-shirt.

    You think the last supper was at Mi Tierra restaurant.

    You do your grocery shopping at a flea market.

    You think local politicians are crooks, but you still do not vote.

    You have a "Selena Lives" bumper sticker on your car.

    You care if San Antonio is in the "national spotlight".

    A formal occasion is getting a glass with your longneck.

    You believe Tacos, barbecue, tequilla, and beer are the four basic food groups.

    You rented Pulp Fiction to escape the everyday violence of the city.

    You think wearing bows in your hair will get you a husband.

    Your White mother learned how to make Tamales & Menudo from your neighbors.

    You know the "real" definition of FIESTA is "stay home if at all possible".

    You have ordered Mexican food at a Chinese restaurant.

    You had breakfast tacos at Taco Cabana on Christmas morning.

    You remember the Joske's Christmas display.

    You remember when JC Penney's had a restaurant.

    You remember hamburgers from Whopper Burger.

    You're elementary field trip was to the Butter Crust Bakery.

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from San Antonio.
    </font></td></tr></table>



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  3. #3  
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    Now that's just fucking GREAT!

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    BY THE WAY, I'M A DUDE AND I'M 23! NOT A TEENAGE GIRL! THE PICTURE OF THE EP IS MY FRIEND LILY AKA HAKU!JUST WANTED TO STRAIGHTED THAT OUT! ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS TO PROMO MY MUSIC HERE IN TEXAS SINCE THEIR NO HARDHOUSE AND HARDCORE SCENE. AND VENOM LOVE TO COME TO AUSTIN BUT HAVING SECOUND THROUGHTS!
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    i ordered a fucking town car, fucking fagits wait until one inthe morning and they are like sorry sir, we dont want your money, your not welcome at the rave. there might be frolocks of pussy there but you cant have any,. then my fagit navy recruiter is playing on my cell phone fucking motherfucker thinks its cure to fuck people over.
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    Oh damn, thats like the funniest shit.
    Fuck your local scene! :rofl:
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    i like the ones from Austin... im guilty of a couple of them

    You Know You're From Austin When.....

    You never bother looking at the Capital Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

    You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

    You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

    You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio.

    You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or one on building your own web site.

    You haven't been to Hippie Hollow since the first month you moved to Austin.

    A man walks on The Drag in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps ...You don't notice.

    A woman walks on The Drag with live poultry ...You don't notice.

    You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.

    You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.

    You keep a list of companies to boycott.

    Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

    You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in your car and you say to yourself, "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..."

    You start to worry when you don't see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and- bikini-top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery-cart-and-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning. Scarier yet, you know his name is name is actually Leslie.

    You'll make dinner or bar plans around who's got the best margaritas.

    You have a tough time deciding on one of Austin's eight 24-hour resaraunts (Katz', Kerbey Lane, Star Seeds, Magnolia Cafe, IHOP, Denny's, the Kettle, or Jim's).

    You complain about their prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene.

    You don't even think about getting good seats to the Longhorns football games.

    You know the exact locations of three towing yards.

    Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks w/ socks.

    Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white T-shirt, second-hand Levi's, second-hand cut-off Levi's, overalls, Longhorns sweats, anything polyester from the 70's, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes.

    You often find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February or at the latest, the beginning of March.

    You consider chips, salsa, Kerby Queso, and Shiner Bock beer a well balanced meal.

    You find yourself making beaded necklaces to give away as Christmas gifts.

    100 degrees for three straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is. And 90 degrees anywhere
    between May and September seems a little chilly.

    You figure skin cancer is inevitable b/c it's so DAMN HOT even your sunscreen won't stay on.

    When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys.

    You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade.

    Nobody's aware that Southwestern went out of style.

    You ask yourself constantly if that's a cute guy or a butch girl. And you really don't care either way cuz it's fun to wonder.

    You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic.

    You see more Texas flags flying than American flags.

    You spend so much time at MoJo's Coffee House, you finally start bringing in your own CD's for the staff to play.

    Your professor decides in the middle of the Government lecture that now's as good of a time as ever to tell his class of 500 he's gay. Like you didn't know. Like you even care.

    Cubicles are no longer referred to as "work spaces" but "way out funky left brain meditation depositories."

    The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy free, wheat free, dairy free...

    That noontime odor in the breakroom reminds you of your trip to Caracas, but its only somebody's lunch.

    You're in a band - several of them, in fact

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austin.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lucky
    i like the ones from Austin... im guilty of a couple of them

    You Know You're From Austin When.....

    You never bother looking at the Capital Metro schedule because you know the drivers have never seen it.

    You've been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.

    You have a very strong opinion where your coffee beans are grown and can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.

    You know that anyone wearing pants in November is just visiting from Ohio.

    You are thinking of taking an adult class but you can't decide between yoga, aromatherapy, conversational Mandarin or one on building your own web site.

    You haven't been to Hippie Hollow since the first month you moved to Austin.

    A man walks on The Drag in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps ...You don't notice.

    A woman walks on The Drag with live poultry ...You don't notice.

    You think any guy with a George Clooney haircut must be visiting from the midwest.

    You know that any woman with a George Clooney haircut is not a tourist.

    You keep a list of companies to boycott.

    Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

    You occasionally see a guy on a unicycle whiz by you in your car and you say to yourself, "Oh yeah, it's that guy again..."

    You start to worry when you don't see the cross-dressing, bearded guy in-a-tutu-and- bikini-top-who-has-made-a-statement-with-his-grocery-cart-and-cardboard-box-art/shelter on your way to work in the morning. Scarier yet, you know his name is name is actually Leslie.

    You'll make dinner or bar plans around who's got the best margaritas.

    You have a tough time deciding on one of Austin's eight 24-hour resaraunts (Katz', Kerbey Lane, Star Seeds, Magnolia Cafe, IHOP, Denny's, the Kettle, or Jim's).

    You complain about their prices but still shop at Central Market for the scene.

    You don't even think about getting good seats to the Longhorns football games.

    You know the exact locations of three towing yards.

    Your summer shoes are your Birks and your winter shoes are your Birks w/ socks.

    Your entire wardrobe consists of: a black tank top, a GAP white T-shirt, second-hand Levi's, second-hand cut-off Levi's, overalls, Longhorns sweats, anything polyester from the 70's, a bikini, Tevas, Birkenstocks, and running shoes.

    You often find yourself wondering why magazine editors insist that swimsuit season starts on Memorial Day when it's really the end of February or at the latest, the beginning of March.

    You consider chips, salsa, Kerby Queso, and Shiner Bock beer a well balanced meal.

    You find yourself making beaded necklaces to give away as Christmas gifts.

    100 degrees for three straight months isn't unreasonable, 110 degrees is. And 90 degrees anywhere
    between May and September seems a little chilly.

    You figure skin cancer is inevitable b/c it's so DAMN HOT even your sunscreen won't stay on.

    When you go out, you make sure you've grabbed your water bottle before checking to see if you've got your wallet and keys.

    You don't mind parking a mile away as long as it's in the shade.

    Nobody's aware that Southwestern went out of style.

    You ask yourself constantly if that's a cute guy or a butch girl. And you really don't care either way cuz it's fun to wonder.

    You'd rather ride your bike than get in a car without air conditioning. At least on your bike, you're guaranteed a breeze regardless of traffic.

    You see more Texas flags flying than American flags.

    You spend so much time at MoJo's Coffee House, you finally start bringing in your own CD's for the staff to play.

    Your professor decides in the middle of the Government lecture that now's as good of a time as ever to tell his class of 500 he's gay. Like you didn't know. Like you even care.

    Cubicles are no longer referred to as "work spaces" but "way out funky left brain meditation depositories."

    The food at the company holiday party is all vegan, organic, soy free, wheat free, dairy free...

    That noontime odor in the breakroom reminds you of your trip to Caracas, but its only somebody's lunch.

    You're in a band - several of them, in fact

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Austin.
    Some of those fit me, but some of these fit me, too...


    You Know You're From Minnesota When...


    The weather is usually 80% of your conversation.

    When you say "down south" you're referring to Iowa.

    You call highways "freeways."

    Snow tires came standard on your car.

    You've never taken public transportation.

    75% of your graduating high school class went to the University of Minnesota.

    "Perkins" was the only hangout option in high school.

    You assume when you say "The Cities" people know where you're talking about.

    You can list all the "-dales."

    People from other states love to hear you say words with "o"s in them.

    In a conversation you've heard someone say "yah sure, you betcha" and you didn't laugh.

    You could pinpoint exactly where each scene in the movie "Untamed Heart" was filmed.

    You hate the movie "Fargo" but realize you and your entire family have that same accent.

    You get mad at people who think Fargo is in Minnesota.

    You know what Mille Lacs is and how to spell it.

    You have fish boiled in lye for Christmas.

    You know what "uff-da" means and how to use it properly.

    You know the 2 sports-related reasons why we hate Dallas.

    Nothing gets you madder than seeing a Green Bay sticker on a MN car.

    The only reason you go to Wisconsin is to get fireworks.

    You're a loyal Target shopper.

    You've frozen your tongue on a metal handrail before.

    You own an ice house, a snowmobile, and a 4 wheel drive vehicle.

    You wear shorts when it's 50 degrees outside in March, but you bundle up and complain in August when it goes below 60.

    You have gone trick-or-treating in 3 feet of snow.

    You've not only walked across a lake, you've driven across one.

    Everyone you know has a cabin or, at least, access to one.

    You know that Lake Wobegon isn't real and you know who made it up, where they live, and exactly what you want to do about it.

    You have friends who schedule their wedding in the middle of January without a thought about weather conditions.

    You consider a six inch snowfall a blessing for "the cities" because it provides instant urban renewal.

    You keep the snow tires on your truck all year because it ain't worth taking them off for only two months.

    Your local Dairy Queen is closed from December through February.

    You believe the only REAL vehicles have skis in front and a loud motor under your seat.

    You consider snow banks to be "just another rough" on the golf course.

    You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time.

    You were delighted to get a miniature snow shovel for your 3rd birthday.

    Your town isn't trying to be ironic when it plans a "winter carnival."

    The temperature in March is above freezing for three days in a row, and you think it's summer.

    You laugh out loud every time you see a news report about a blizzard shutting down the entire East Coast.

    You think happiness is owning a "piece of lakeshore."

    You never meet any celebrities except The "BODY"

    You know what and where "Dinkytown" is.

    When you talk about "opener" you are not talking about cans.

    You have refused to buy something because it's too "spendy."

    You believe that the Vikings would have won four Super Bowls by now if they were still playing in Metropolitan Stadium.

    You are convinced the Twins will never win the pennant because the owners are too cheap to pay the good players, so they all leave.

    Your town has an equal number of bars and churches.

    You grew up thinking rice was only for dessert. You think that ketchup is a little too spicy.

    Your gas station thinks "full service" means filling your gas tank, washing the windshield, checking the oil and being friendly to the customers.

    You (or your parents) voted for Mondale.

    You've seen "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" in Uptown.

    You know that everyone has a city preference -- Minneapolis or St. Paul.

    You can honestly claim Germanic / Scandinavian ancestors, and have been known to say "ya" instead of "yes"

    Upon seeing an ocean for the first time, you say, "Hey! That looks like Lake Superior!"

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Minnesota.
    "In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther

    Life is like a porno movie. You don't really know what you're getting, but you hope for the best.
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    Yay, stuff from my corner of the world...
    You know you're from L.A. when:

    You're driving on the 101 and see a clear cut definition of where the smog begins and ends

    You go to a karaoke bar and battle with seven year old divas-in-training who are trying to steal your thunder

    You're sitting in traffic for at least an hour at any given part of the day

    You go to the beach and see that real lifeguards actually do look like the lifeguards from Baywatch

    You see purple and gold and the word "Threepeat" on every corner

    You begin to "lie" to your friends about where you are (i.e. "Yeah I'm like 20 minutes away") - when you know that it'll take you at least an hour to get there).

    You eat a different ethnic food for every meal

    You look around at the nice cars around you during traffic, thinking it'll be your favorite Laker or WB star.

    You make a conscious choice to watch Jay Leno over David Letterman

    You mourned for Tupac and not for Biggie

    You know it's best not to be on the 405 at 4:05 pm.

    Getting anywhere from point A to point B, no matter what the distance, takes about "twenty minutes".

    You know what neighborhood someone lives in by the degree of damage incurred during the riots.

    You've inadvertently learned Spanish.

    You've got to bring the cat/plants in when it drops to 55 degrees.

    In the "winter", you can go to the beach and ski at Big Bear on the same day.

    You've bumped into a celebrity at El Pollo Loco.

    You know what "sigalert", "PCH", and "the five" mean.

    Your pizza delivery guy is also on contract with Warner Bros.

    If your destination is more than 5 minutes away on foot, you're definitely driving.

    You have a gym membership because it's mandatory.

    Your TV show is interrupted by a police chase.

    You can't fall asleep without the lull of a helicopter flying overhead.

    When tourists ask where they can get souvenirs, you direct them to Venice Beach.

    You know someone named Freedom, Rainbow, Persephone or Destiny.

    You've trespassed through private property to get to the "Hollywood" sign.

    You've partied in Tijuana at least once.

    You know Hollywood has a "lake".

    You don't stop at a STOP sign, you do a California Roll.

    You've lost your car in the Century City Shopping Center parking lot.

    You've ever bought oranges, flowers, cherries or peanuts on a freeway off-ramp.

    You think that Venice is a beach.

    You drive next to a Rolls Royce and don't notice.

    You've started crossing a street and returned to the curb when the DON'T WALK sign started flashing.

    You've never listened to NPR.

    Calling your neighbors requires knowing their area code.

    You have a favorite Thai restaurant.

    You think Johnnny Rocket's is an accurate depiction of a diner.

    You think Manhattan is a beach.

    You eat pineapple on pizza.

    You've been to Disneyland more times than Downtown.

    When giving directions , you follow up with the phrase: "With/Without traffic."

    You classify new people you meet by their Area Code. An "818" would never date a "562" and anyone from "323" or "213" is ghetto/second class. Best area code: "310."

    Driving along, you see a high-speed police chase approaching in your rear view mirror. You don't panic or even flinch. Instead, you call your friends on your car phone and tell them you're on TV.

    You know that if you drive two miles in any direction you will find a McDonald's or a Starbucks.

    Your cell phone has left a permanant impression on the side of your head.

    You never, ever go into the water at the Beach. You barely touch the sand.

    Everyone you know has 3+ phone numbers. Home, Office, mobile, pager, two-way, voicemail.....

    It is not unusual for your waitress at a restaurant to have blue streaked hair, a dragon tattoo and tounge piercing.

    You are awakened in the middle of the night by a moderate earthquake. Your reply: "That ain't even a 5-pointer" and go back to sleep.

    You think you are better than the people who live "Over the Hill". It don't matter which side of the hill you are currently residing, you are just better than them, for whatever reason.

    You live 10 miles from work. It takes you 60 minutes to get home.

    Walking out of Jamba Juice, you see that a movie is being shot on-location across the street.

    You are not happy, or even slightly exited that there may be a movie star there. You just say, " They f*ckin better not be blocking my parking space."

    You have to yell at your bank teller through a 2 inch thick wall of plexi-glass.

    That last one goes for your local convienience store man, too.

    You go to Las Vegas for a weekend getaway and the whole trip cost you $50.

    You personally know at least 5 people with agents.

    You personally know at least 3 people who have been in a movie or TV show.

    You know what In N Out is and feel bad for all the other states because they don't have any.

    You know that not everyone in Beverly Hills is a millionaire.

    You know who the tinsel underwear dude in Venice Beach is.

    You've done something on a street corner in an attempt to get money (i.e. sang, tap danced, told jokes).

    You've gotten parking tickets from parking in the red zone in front of your house.

    You say you live in LA when really you live in a subsection of a subsection of a subsection of southern LA.

    Any major movie star is picking out the best portobello mushrooms next to you at the grocers and you don't notice.

    The guy at 8:30 in the morning at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney IS George Clooney.

    You really can never be too rich or too thin.

    The gym is packed at 3pm...on a workday.

    The workday starts at 10am...or whenever you get out of your therapy session.

    Any invitation comes with, "Starts at 8pm or as soon as you can get through traffic."

    You have never met a waiter that wasn't really an "Actor."

    You never go to a coffee house without a copy of a script - any script.

    It's sprinkling and there's a report on every news station about "STORM WATCH '99"

    You call 911 and they put you on hold.

    You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Blanks himself is teaching the 4:30 tae-bo class.

    The three hour traffic jam you just sat through wasn't caused by a horrific 9 car pile-up, but by everyone slowing to rubberneck at a lost shoe lying on the shoulder.

    A nurse can look at you in all seriousness and ask, "you don’t drink or smoke, right?"

    All the "cool gyms" allow pedestrians on the street a full-view of those working out. Literally, you can’t drive by Wilshire without staring into L.A. Fitness. Perhaps a new form of window shopping?

    The hot seasonal party favor is a candied apple from Neiman's. The apples are called "Skinny Dippers."

    The waitress asks if you'd like "carbs" in your meal.

    Bars card. For real.

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Los Angeles.


    Quote Originally Posted by davemolina View Post
    I would say bring in your bassline around the 32 and kick in your vocal/main melody at 64. After that, fuck yourself for about 64 then repeat. Outro.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zild View Post
    Gotta love the bragging about being in the scene for x amount of years and still getting absolutely nowhere.
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    And one more from the hometown:

    You know you're from San Diego when:
    You'd driven from East County San Diego to a mall somewhere in North County because of one particular store you like.

    You have a 12 month pass to the San Diego Zoo, San Diego Wild Animal Park, and Sea World.

    You lost your virginity or first drank in TJ.

    You're enjoying 80º weather at the end of February while those up north complain about 12 inches of snow.

    The people at the local smoothie bar know you by name.

    Your birth certificate indicates that you were born in Kaiser Hospital off of Zion Ave.

    You can't leave the Del Mar Fair each summer without a plateful of Australian battered potatoes, a funnel cake, and other junk food.

    Your tan lines never go away.

    You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from San Diego.


    Quote Originally Posted by davemolina View Post
    I would say bring in your bassline around the 32 and kick in your vocal/main melody at 64. After that, fuck yourself for about 64 then repeat. Outro.
    Quote Originally Posted by Zild View Post
    Gotta love the bragging about being in the scene for x amount of years and still getting absolutely nowhere.
    Reply With Quote  

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